The Death OF Henry James Potter
by The Parody King
Summary: A parody. And Harry dies. Watch millions of wizards fight one morning for Harry, for Merlin, and for Dumbledore! Find out the chilling truths of what happens after Half Blood Prince! There are so many insane twists and turns, you'll lose it! Please Review
1. Yohoho and a bottle of pumkin juice

**Warning: This fic is, by all means, a joke. Something to make fun of. In other words, a PARODY. Hence, why I am the PARODY KING. And one other note, this fic is even more insane than most Harry Potter stories. That's why it's unbelievably BAD. Oh, and BTW, bad grammer and spelling is ment to be. **

_**THE DEATH OF HARRY**_

_THE WORST FANFICTION YOU HAVE EVER READ_

Once apon a time, Henry James Potter was waddling to his seventh year at Hogwarts.

"YEAH!" Said Harry as he walked into the "Hog Hall" AKA the Hogwarts eating place.

"Sup?" Said Ron, to Harry.

"Sup?" Said Harry, to Ron.

"Nothin." Said Ron, to Harry.

"Nothin at all, man." Said Harry, to Ron.

"Knuckle me!" Said Ron.

The two slapped hands and knuckled each other.

"Who's the "Chosen One"?!" Harry asked Hermione, slapping her hand.

"You, you hottie!" Said Hermione, smiling.

"Who's gunna knock down old YKH someday?"

"The one who's as slim as a wand, as hot as his firebolt, and as slick as the girl's bathroom after Moanin's floaded it! Harry, my man!" Said Hermione, giving a thumbs up.

"YKH?" Ron asked, dumbly. "Who's Moanin'?"

"Moanin' Murtle" Said Hermione, shaking her hips. "YKH You Know Who."

"How was your mommy's and dadyo's graveyard?" Asked Ron, grabing Faucks the Phoenix and putting him in his stew. "What's great about phoenixs." He said. "Is you can eat them over and over again!"

"The graveyard was like a graveyard, man." Said Harry. "Nothin' much to see. Just a buncha dead dudes in their cothins' not sayin' nothin'."

"So they did say something?!?!" Said Ron, spitting out phoenix feathers.

"They didn't say nothin'." Said Harry.

"Exactly." Said Ron. "You said, "They didn't say nothin", meaning they must of said something because if they had said nothin', you would of said, "They didn't say anything" or "They said nothin"."

"Your screwy, man." Said Harry. "They didn't say nothin! By da way, how was da wedding?"

"Terrible." Said Ron. "When Bill was told he may kiss the bride, he instead ate her!"

"Sick, man!" Said Harry.

"No," Said Ron. "You don't understand, he really ate her. She's dead now, dude! Dead! She's, like, totally Warewolf stuff now."

"Cool." Said Harry. "Wicked Awesome!"

"I think you've had too much pumkin joice." Said Ron, drinking a ton of whisky. "Your, like totally drunk or something."

The three were soon very drunk.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," They all sang, drunkenly. "I love ya! Love ya! I need ye! Need ya! All somthing something something I looooooooooooooooove you!"

"They were so drunk, they even sang the back up course." Said our narrator, Dobby the House Elf, a bed time stocking resting on one ear. "They were so drunk, they didn't go to bed. They instead stayed drinking well into the night."

"Hey, now" Sang Harry. "I'm an all star, I'm gunna get my show on, and get paid! Hey, now, I'm a ROCKSTAR, I'm gunna get my show on, I'm gunna get paid!"

"All that I sing, I sing drunkenly!" Sang Ron.

"Own-lay shootin' stars- Somebody once said I am so darn cool, I outto chill down Hawawhoo!" Sang Harry, drinking still more. "I said YEAH! Oh. BOO-YHEA! I AM SO DARN HOT I BET I COULD CAUSE GLOABAL WARMIN', TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He sang this part out of tune from the reast of the song.

Just then, someone walked into the room. It was Snape.

"SNAPE?!?!" Said Harry, his nostrolls flairing up so much they boiled over with beer. "I Shall get my revenge!" He shouted. "AVATA KADAVRA!"

But he was so drunk it actuely hit Ron in the back.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed Ron. "You killed me, man! You've slain me or whatever. I'm totally finished!"

Ron exploaded. Foam shot everywhere.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" Said Harry. "It's BEER FOAM! FOAM FROM BEER, BABY!"

"Shut up!" Said Snape. "It's time to die, Harry!"

"AVADA KADAVRA!"

Snape fell down, stone dead.

"Cool!" Said Harry, flopping down and inspecting the body.

The Body then desolved into...

"Dumbledore?!" Said Harry, shocked.

This didn't make much sense. How could Dumbledore be alive to use pollyjuice potion?

"And so, our story continues." Said Dobby.


	2. death of a wizard

_**THE DEATH OF HENRY JAMES POTTER**_

_**CHAPTER 2!**_

_**DEATH OF A WIZARD!**_

Harry gaped at Dumbledore's super dead body.

"Well..." Said Hermione. "he's dead now."

And with that, she burst into tears.

"Look, Hermione." Said Harry, trying to comfort her. "Sometimes shit happens, and there's nothing you can do about it. You can either clean it up, or let it stink the house up."

"What?!" Asked Hermione, confused.

"The Dursley's got a dog last summer." Explained Harry. "And the dog wasn't house trained, I thought it would be a good compairison."

"You are drunk." Sang Hermione. She had ment to just say "You are drunk", but since she was also drunk, she sang it instead.

"That sounds like a good song!" Said Harry, getting out an electric gutar Ron had bought him for his birthday. What was cool about it was it looked like a regular gutar. But, like most magical things, it wasn't. You knew this when you played it.

"Poor Ron." Said Hermione, with a tear in her eye. "Remind me, was it me who accidently killed him or you. I'm too drunk to remember."

"Excellent lyrics!" Said Harry. "In honor of Ron!"

"_You are drunk_," He sang real loud and in the toon to "Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love" by Elvis, and playing his ELECTRIC gutar. "_Remind me, was it me who killed him. I am drunk, I was too drunk to tell. Higher and higher, is my blood alcolal! What just happened is one big cload. Cuase' that whiskey came out o' fire! Like my street wise electric gutire! I think someboday died. While I was drunk! A just a hunka hunka burnin' drunk. I'm just a hinka hunka burnin' drunk!" _

"How is Dumbledore alive." Asked Hermione. "Well... he isn't anymore, but why was he using pollyjuice potion to disguise himself as Snape? And why-" Her face broke off in tears. "Why would he try to kill you, Harry?"

"Your just filled with ideas for songs tonight, aren't you baby?" Said Harry.

"_Bab-y_" Sang Harry, plinging his gutar way cooly . "_Baby, how are you alive? Though you, sad-ly, yet again are now dead! But why were-you trying to lie to-me? Why would do that to me, bab-y? Why would do it? And more importent-ly, why were you trying tooooooooooooooooo-kiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllllllllll-meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Baby, I know there's been lots of sadness. But a lot of good times, too. I don't know what happened. But I know, but I know, but yes I know, I still looooooooooooove yoooooooooooouu! Bab-y, why don't you lission to-me? Bab-y, don't you know I still care abooout yoou? Ohhh, bab-y! I can-not stant! I cannot stand! I simply can not live... without you, bab-y! Your lookin' at me sweet and-_"

"Harry!" Said Hermione.

"How come your sensible Hermione again?" Asked Harry. "In the last chapter you were a crack."

"Cocktails make me act funny" Said Hermione.

"Yeah," Said Harry. "Cocktails make you very funny, your very good at jokes when your drunk, my baby witch!"

"_Oh_," Sang Harry. "_I'm all lost in my cocktail. I should of known they'de be bad for me. I'm all lost in my cocktail, I can no longer party happily!"_

"That's enough!" Said Hermione. "That's enough singing for me and the readers of this awful fanfiction!"

"Fine!" Said Harry. "No more singing!... for now." He said with a grin.

Before Hermione could say anything, someone burst threw the doors. It was Slughorn.

Harry frowned. "Is that really how your name is spelled?", He inquired.

"Oh, uh, Harry. Harry, me boy!" Said Slughorn. "I was just seeing if any refreshmints were still here."

"There's plenty of drink!" Said Harry, knowing what Slughorn really wanted. "Drink and get drunk, baby!"

"Don't mind if I do." Said Slughorn, helping himself to some vodka.

"Your supposed" Said Hermione, hiccuping, "Your supposed to mix vodka in some kind of other drink"

"Of course, I know that, silly bitch!" Said Slughorn, adding whiskey to his vodka. "What kind of fool do you think I am?"

All three of them drank some more, and some more.

"Wooo!" Said Slughorn. "I feel good!"

Harry was about to get out his gutar and sing another drunkin song when... he saw it.

Standing right behind Slughorn was, was, was, Hedwig!... but standing behind Hedwig was Voldemort!

"Harry!" Cried Hermione. "It's-it's-it's-it's it's your owl, Hedwig! It looks like she has a package for you."

Voldemort was making faces behind Slughorn, aware no one else had noticed him. Then, he pulled out his wand.

"Professor!" Screamed Harry. "Look behind you!"

Frightened, Slughorn slowly turned his head. Slughorn screamed, a pitiful, loud, scream.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" He Screamed. "Help! HELP ME! You have to help me, Harry! I have to get away! I have to get away somehow! Save me! I beg you! I just washed my hair! I don't want your stupid owl shitin' on it!"

"You mean." Said Harry. "You didn't see Voldemort?"

"Shhh! Don't say his name Harry! Of course I saw him! But I don't think he's going to kill anyone on Hogwarts grounds. I imagine he's just here to spy on us. Don't worry, Harry, I don't think he'll try to kill you just yet."

"AVATA KADAVRA!" Shouted Voldemort. A jet of super green light kicked Slughorn in the... he fell down dead.

"Next time." Said Voldemort, smiling and jestoring to the Scrimjore's dead body. "This will be you, Harry Potter."

And with that, he was gone. Harry guarded his... in fear.

Hermione yawned. "WHat happened, Harry? I passed out drunk."

"He killed Scrimjore!" Cried Harry, so drunk, he got his names mixed up.

"Hedwig killed the minister of magic?" Asked Hermione. "I thought she was such a nice owl."

Harry looked at Hedwig, he hadn't bothered to see what the owl had delivered.

He opened the letter attatched to the package. And read it.

_"I will never forget how when you caused the near death of Voldemort 13, no, 15 years ago, no 16 years ago, everyone thought you were some powerful wizard. I had already had to put up with Voldemort getting all the publisity, but soon Voldemort will be dead and everyone will fear the far more powerful dark wizard of the north... or any derection. Yes, Harry, they will hail me! As the most powerful wizard that has ever lived or will ever live again. Sincerly, RAB_

_P.S.: No, I am not dead._

_P.P.S.: Don't call me "rab"._

_P.P.P.S. Once I kill Voldemort, I will kill you!_

_P.P.P.P.S.: Or once I kill you, I will kill Voldemort._

_P.P.P.P.P.S.: Whoever I can kill first._

_P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: Or maybe I'll just kill both of you at the same time._

_P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: Or maybe I'll let Voldemort kill you, then I'll kill Voldemort. To make people really scared. If Voldemort can kill the "grreat Harry Potter", and this new guy can just kill the killer of Harry Potter just like that, how powerful will he be?_

_P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: But I'm probably going to just let you and old Volde kill each other. It's loads more fun!_

Harry opened the parsol. Inside was the Hufflepuff Cup. Which holds, or used to hold, a part of Voldemort himself.

"Wow!" Said Harry. "It's cool to have something singed by a celebritory, but to have something that actuley _contains_ part of the celebritory is something else!"

**Studio's Notes: The song "Baby, how are you alive? (and why did you try to kill me?)" belongs to Parody King studios. Music and lyrics by the Parody King. All Rights Reserved. (just joking)**


	3. Rab

"What the shit!" Shouted Harry, gaping at the empty cup. It didn't seem to still be poissesed by Voldemort. "Why the shit did he send it to me?! And how the shit is he still alive?! And WHERE the shit is he now?! Shit!"

"Shit, don't worry about it." Said Hermione.

But Harry wasn't listening to her, he was looking at the bottum of the cup.

_"U Can Save Them"_

That was what it read.

Harry looked up at the words, back at Hogwarts, and then bakc at the words.

At last he understood.

His face went super pale.

"What is it, baby?" Asked Hermione, still all too drunk.

"Well, there is this one theory." Said Harry.

Hermione waiting.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited...

"Harry!" Said Hermione, at last. "What's your "theory"."

"What?" Asked Harry, "Oh, yes, that, ummm..."

He paused.

Hermione waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"HARRY!" SHouted Hermione, "I'm about to pass out drunk! WHAAAAAAAAT-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIS-YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUR-THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!!!!... could you please tell me."

"Well," Said Harry. "It's kind of crazy sounding..."

"I'll try to understand." Said Hermione.

"Well..." Said Harry. "I'll try to tell you."

He hesitated.

Hermione waited.

And wait-

"JUST TELL ME THE CRAPIN IDEA!" Said Hermione, seeing where this was going.

"O-kay." Said Harry. "Shhesshcakes! I'll tell you, Ms. Unpationed!"

Hermione didn't bother asking what a _sheshcake_ was and waited for Harry's answer. And she asked him again before the "And waited"s kicked in, again.

"Well," Said Harry. It's very complicated, so I may have to repeat it over and over again untill the day we dye of old age, because it's very hard to understand. Okay, here we go. Going now. Housten, we have lift off. Starting in three, two, one, zero, negative one, negative two, negative three-"

"Harry!" Shouted Hermione. "No. More. Build. Up. The. Next. Thing. I. Want. To. Come. From. Your. Mouth. Is. Your. Idea."

"Wow!" Said Harry. "You managed to put eighteen periods in one sentance!"

"NOW, HaRRy!" Said Hermione, coolly.

"Rab-"

"NEVER CALL ME RAB!" Shouted a recorder inside the Huffopuff cup.

"Sorry, rab-I mean RAB! RAB!" Said Harry. "Not ra-... just R.A.B."

The recording eased.

"Please continue" He respectfully said. "I would like to hear you idea and see if it's correct, my lightin' bolted friend."

Harry grinned. "Great idea! Let's be friends!"

"SHUT-UP!" Said the cup. "After having people for twonty eight years now use me as a chamber pot, I'm not the sort of person you want to make angrey."

"Of course, rat-I mean rab-No, I don't mean RAB, no... I do mean RAB, RAB."

Harry grinned timidly.

"Procede with your plan, young sir! OR I WILL KILL THAT **STUPID** DROPPING EVERY OTHER MINUTE MAKING OWL OF YOURS!"

"O-kay." Said Harry.

"And I'll kill that owl, anyway, if he pearches one dropping one me."

"Okay."

"PROCEDE WITH YOUR PLAN!"

"It's not a plan"

"WHATEVER! No! More! Build! Up! The! Next! Thing! I! Want! To! Come! From! Your! Mouth! Is! Your! Idea!"

"Wow! You managed to put eighteen eclamation poitns in one sentance!"

"Actuely, something like an eclanation point ends your sentance. But anyway, DO AS I COMMANT OR I WILL KILL YOUR BLASTED PENGUIN!"

"I have a penguin?! Boy, you know, there the latest fate right now. Every kid wanted an emperror penguin last year for chritmas, but since there an endangered species, they was a limited supply and some people died in the cold trying find one and."

"ENUOGH! It was a figure of speach. I ment you ugly owl!"

"She's not ugly! She's beutifful!"

"START TALKING!"

"Okay... wait, I just realized something. You managed to make eighteen sentances out of eighteen words!"

"Ah, shucks! But it was actualy only _seven_teen."

"Even cooler. In fact PERFECT!"

"That's enuogh! There's only one way to get you to cut to the chase!"

A jet of rainbow light it harry in the nose.

"IthinkRABwantsto-" Said Harry, very fast and in one gasp.

"No, slower, my poissesed friend." Said the cup.

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... ttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkk"

"No! No! NO!"

There were sounds as though the Cup were were adjusting valume or something.

"I think." Said Harry.

"That's better!" Said the cup. "MUCH better! Proceed!"

Harry didn't say a thing.

The cup seemed to sigh and swair than floated over to where Harry was standing motionless and bonked him on the head.

"Owe!" Said Harry. "Ow-ow! OWWWwww. I think that RAB wants to have Voldemort's fallowers killed by me. And he knows that, to save the lives of the good wizards, I'll do it for him."

"That's it?!?!" Said Hermione after a pause. "That's your exstreamly complicated plan."

"Ohhhh..." Sighed Harry. "Being poissesed while drunk isn't very pleasent."

"That is my plan, by the way." Said the cup. "Well, actualy, it's RAB's plan. But since he poissesed me, it's my plan, too... kinda... in a way."

"Whatever!" Said Harry, and aimed his wand at the cup. "By greece, paris, good ol' NYC, and rome. Melt this thing, even if it's made of chrome!"

"I have served my purpos." Said the cup, as a puse colord bolt it him and he began to melt. "Is that you, old buddy? The Goblit of Fire, is that you?"

The cup died than completeley melted before he could say anymore.

"The Goblit of Fire's dead?" Asked Hermione, horrified.

"I guess so." Said Harry.

Just than the al new Hogwarts alert radio boomed:

"_This just in: The Goblit of Fire has been stolen by a deranged House Elf named Hermy. Officers found the Goblet of Fire in pieces in a near by field along with a burnned up Hermy. Officers believe that Hermy ment to keep the goblit, but when in danger, the Gobet will automatically light a fire. Hermy probably destroyed the goblit to save himself, but was to late."_

"Well," Said Harry, shrugging. "That solves that."

He belched from drinking too much.

"Well, that solves it!" He said, drinking all that was left of a beer can. "Tomorrow I'll gather up an army of wizard's and we'll march out to kill all the Deatheaters! Come morning!"


	4. H4

"People of Hogwarts" Shouted Harry at breakfast the next day. "Enough is enough. I've had it with these deatheaters!"

There was a pause.

"Join me today my brothers," said Harry, trying to take a different turn. "Wizards and witchs, friends and countrymen. Join me, my kin! Join me today, this morning as one army. One comunity. We shall fight as one. Join me and get all other good magic type people to join me. And together we shall make ONE army together. Then we shall fight in ONE great battle. A battle against all the bad magic type people. All of them. We shall destroy them once and for all. No more attacks, no more fear, no more bad ass wizards shitin' all over the place!"

The crowed began repeating it. "No more attacks, no more fear, no more bad ass wizards shitin' all over the place!"

"Again!" Shouted Harry over and over again.

"Again!" Shouted Harry over and over again. "And what are we going to do my bros and countrycrookmen?"

"Destroy. Destroy youknowwho." They repeated.

"At a boy, Harry!" Said Dumbledore, slapping Harry on the back with a twinkly in his eye. "I knew you had it in you!"

"DUMBLEDORE?" Said Harry, alarmed!

Dumbledore than turnned into the golit of fire, then vanished.

"What the crap!" Shouted Harry.

"Maybe the goblit of fire can tranform into things." Said Hermione.

"But the goblit of fire is dead." Said Harry, shooting his mug of beer with a caffeen spell, hoping that will help him get over being drunk. "What a wild night last night, eh, Hermione? I'm surprised we never had sex!"

"You never asked me." Said Hermione. "Thankfully."

"Being drunk made me forget." Said Harry, smacking his drunkin face. "Anyhoot, me need to get back to da army! Ohhh, Mcgonigle!"

Mcgonigle walked up to Harry.

"Mcgonigle!" Said Harry, "I need you to tell everyone at the order of the phoenix about my army and to tell someone at the order of the phoenix to tell everyone at ministry and for someone at the ministry to tell the miniter of magic and for the minister of magic to tell all of the other ministers of magic to tell all the wizards in the world that are good and to somehow get somone to tell the other side to ready their army and bring them to battle and for that bad person to tell volde so he can tell all the wizards in the world that are bad and tell everyone that the battle will take place at Hogwarts on the last day of the school year this year. Oh, and Ron's dead, at least I think he's dead. I was too drunk to remember."

"Harry Potty!" Said Mcgonigle, in a very stern voice that only Mcgonigle could dish out. "Uh, I mean Potter. Harry Potter! You have not only stayed up all night drinking under age-"

"The wizarding laws don't have a drinking restriction." Said Harry.

"They don't?" Said Mcgonigle. "Well, anyhoot, you were not only up all night the night before school began, but you disordered our breakfast trying to start your own little army! You have broken all 738 rules in the Hogwarts book!"

"I didn't break rule 257."

"Which one is that?"

"The rule that forbids you to have sex with another student on the hogwarts grounds." Said Harry, glairing at Hermione. "I _could_ have broken all 257 rules within 12 hours if she had just reminded me!"

"Whatever the fuck!" Said Mcgonigle. "You have broken just about every rule you could except that one! And all I have to say is this. This is the best dang idea your little brain has ever had! I'm gonna make you both headboy and headgirl! And I'm gonna make sure this battle will take place the exact way you said you wanted it, baby! WOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I think someone drugged her." Said Harry with big eyes to Hermione. "So, what about breaking rule 257? Right here. Right now. Right in front of everyone."

"I'm not drunk anymore, Harry!" Said Hermione sounding almost disappointed. "I would NEVER do something that stupid when I'm not drunk!"

"Well," Shouted Harry to everyone. "It's time to start training for the battle! When we fight, we never give up, we either save the world or die hard!"

He began playing some "hip" music on his gutar. "Yeah, baby!"

Harry could almost hear someone watching all of this and chuckling to himself. "_Fools. Soon everything will go the way I want them to_!"


	5. Attack of the Deatheaters

_A not so long time ago_

_In a place that may not be far away..._

**THE DEATH OF HENRY JAMES POTTER**

**EPISODE V**

**ATTACK OF THE DEATHEATERS**

**War! The young Harry potter has rounded up all **

**good wizards for the FINAL BATTLE of wizard kind. **

**Everything magical has taken sides and will fight **

**on the final day of June. Now, the army of the **

**evil lord Voldemort marches to the grounds of **

**Hogwarts, a school used to teach magic to young **

**wizards. The time has come for people to**

**find out if Harry really is the chosen one!**

"Wow!", Said Harry, "I feel like my whole school year went by in one paragragh!"

It was dead night the night of the end of the school year in Hogwarts. And they had just seen... them!

"So it begins." Said Harry to himself, wondering if he was quating something else.

All the death eaters marched up to the entrance and drew their wands.

"Let's get em'!" Shouted Harry. "Draw wands!"

All of his army did so.

Harry got up on buckbeak to make his pre-battle speach.

"Wizards and witchs of all ages," He said, drawing his wand in the air. "Tonight is the night that decides the fate of our world. The darkness has grown in the past twonty years past all expectation, but no more! These bad ass wizards have shitted all over the place so much, no tolit could be unclogged by it. But no more! Tonight we over flow the bathrooms to make to go away once annd for all. Wizards and witchs, I ask for you to look beyoned your differences. If you believe the brave are the best, ride out with me! If you think intellect will always triumph in the end, ride out with me! If you believe the noble and the loyal of heart are always truely the greatest, ride out with me! If you think ambition is the way of life, go **CENSORED TO MANTAIN 'T' RATING** yourself! I ask you tonight, wizards and witchs to join with me like friends and countrywizards! I ask for you to lend me your wands to fight one big fight that would be worthy of a song, or atleast a big budget movie! I ask you to fight with me tonight as if it were the last night to fight! Because it is! This is the biggy! The battle of Minis-Tirith, the showdown at the end of 'The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!', the 'Return of the Jedi' climax! It's all happening right now, and you have the best seat in the house! Becuase you part of the movie! Now, I ask you wizards and witchs, squibs and pure bloods, house elfs and half giants, to join with me tonight! In a fight! That may last all night! But it'll be worth the fright! Do give it your might! Hold your wand tight! Because it's only just begun, baby! In fact, it hasn;t even started! I ask you, my kin, tonight to cry out for Harry! For Merlin! And for Dumbledore! For Dumbledooore!"

He flew forth. screaming his warcry.

"For Dumbledoooooooore!" Shouted everyone else.

"AvataKadavraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Shouted Harry.

"Avada Kadavraaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Shouted everyone else as they flew on their broom sticks forward.

Jets of green light streamed out and hit the a load of the deatheaters.

"Kill them!" Shouted Voldemort. "Avata Kadavra!"

Soon green bolts were hitting all over the place. Dragons burned down gates. Things were getting messy. Hogwarts was being blown to simiteriens. Good and bad wizards were everywhere!

Just then Harry saw him. Snape!

He was sneaking behind all the war, threw the woods.

"_Coward!_" Thought Harry. "_Why doesn't he fight?!_"

Just then Harry shot himself up with rage and hatred.

He pointed his wand at Snape, closed one eye and shouted the death curse.

A jet of green light zoomed passed two goblins shooting coin bullets at each other, a warewolf bizzirker, two hippogriths doing the pocka, and hit Snape in the chest, launching him back. He was dead.

"Yeah, Baby!" Shouted Harry.

Just then, Harry remembered the only person he had forgotten. Someone who was exstreamly powerful because he had been freed and because he had wanted to be free. He didn't know if it would work this far away of not.

"Dobby." Said Harry in a low voice.

_CRACK!_

Dobby appeard. "What does Harry want, Harry Potter?" Asked the House Elf.

Harry pointed at the deatheaters.

"Kill them!" He said.

Dobby snapped both his fingures.

_BLANG_

Two deatheaters fell down dead.

He snapped all ten of his fingures.

_ka-boom-ka-bang-SLUSH!_

Ten deatheaters vomotted out their hearts.

_CRACK_

Two deatheaters turned into fireworks and blew up.

_ROCK_

Two hundred deatheaters were melted and were flushed down invisible tolits.

Voldemort saw what was going on and put two wands between Dobby's ears.

"AVADA KADAV-"

_CRACK ROCKWEED_

Dobby had vanished.

Soon, victory was near. Victory for Voldemort.

"Yeah, baby!" Shouted Voldemort. "Soon everyone will won't to be noseless, just like me! Cause it looks cool!"

The battle was over. Everyone on Harry's side lay dead except for Hermione and Harry.

"Hey," Said Hermione."I thought j.k. rowling was only gunna kill off _two_ major cheractors!"

"This is it?!" Asked Harry. "After all the hype the battle only lasts a few minutes! What a stinkin' pile of crap!"

"We were on a low budget." Said Hermione.

"Knock-knock." Said Greyback to Hermione.

"Who's there?" Asked Hermione, dumbly.

"Avata."

"Avata who?"

"Avata Kadavra!"

A jet of green light hit Hermione between the breasts and she went down dead.

Greyback turned to Harry.

"Would you like to hear a knock-knock joke?" He asked.

"Uh, no, thank you." Said Harry, frightened.

"Oh, I insist."

He picked Harry up by the colar.

"Knock-knock?" He said.

"Who's there?" Asked Harry, choking for breath.

"Death."

"Death who?"

"Yours!" Said another voice.

A bolt of light hit Greyback in the back.

He crumbled to the floor dead.

The new person was not from Voldemort's army, or Harry's, it was someone hooded and cloaked. Harry could only see a strange wrinkle in the centre of where a face would be on the cloak.

The hooded man sent thousands of green lights at the deatheaters.

What the crap!" Said Voldemort in his high, shrill voice, and apperated. Just as he was vanishing, his eyes met the wrinkle on the hood and a strange grin appeard on his face before he disappeared.

Soon, everyone lay dead except for Harry.

The hooded man walked toward Harry. There was just the two of them left.

"Harry, you have done well." Said a voice within the cloak.

Harry knew the voice in a heartbeat.

"Dumbledore?" He asked in disbeliefe.

The man took off his cloak to reveal the same familar eyes, long beard, and crooked noise that looked as though it had been broken twice.

It was Dumbledore.

"You have served your duty to Hogwarts, Harry." Said Dumbledore. "The battle is over and now there is only one person you still have to destroy."

"Voldemort." Said Harry to himself.

"Indeed, Harry. Though the deatheaters have been destroyed, you still have to kill him. I have helped you out before, now you must help me."

"Killing Voldemort will help everyone." Said Harry.

"Ah, yes, Harry." Said Dumbledore, "Killing Voldermort will save the world from him ruling it, but the world will still be taken over by another, far more powerful wizard."

"Do you mean, do you mean rab?"

"Don't call him rab!" Said Dumbledore, cutting him off. He paused.

"We would not want to anger him, Harry." Dumbledore said. "He could be listening to what we are saying right now, for all we know. In fact..."

He seemed to have changed his mind on something. "In fact I know he is. Haven't you ever wondered why I trust Severis? Well, here's why. Long ago, Snape was a deatheater, but when Voldemort fell, he left and betrayed him."

"How do you know he betrayed him?" Asked Harry.

"Because, he joined with a far more powerful wizard. A wizard known as 'RAB'. This wizard is so powerful, to join with him and help him, would mean betraying the other. For both of these wizards, if they were succesful, and only if, would rule the world, Harry."

"But how does this make you trust Snape?"

"When Tom Riddle revealed himself as a dark wizard, he took on a new name. One that only his friends had none before hand."

"I, I don't understand what that has to do with it."

There was a twinkle in Dumbledore's eye.

"Ah, Harry," He said, "You have been listening, but you have not been thinking about what I just said. I trust Snape because Snape has sworn his loyalness to an evil wizard. An evil wizard who has taken a new name with the ignitials of RAB. Before this, the dark wizard possesed, and still does poessess at the time, another name. I trust Snape because he is loyal to me. I trust Snape because I am the one who's been calling himself RAB."

There was a cold rush down Harry's spine.

"I still don't understand, professor."

"Ah, Harry," Said Dumbledore. "I wouldn't expect you too. Since I have tried to hide my true colors from the world. But since you have vanquished all good wizards in your battle, it is safe to openly discuss this now."

Harry still didn't understand, he couldn't understand, it was not possible.

"Snape was the only one who knew the truth, Harry." Said Dumbledore. "I needed someone to assist me threw the years, and I picked him because I liked his attitude. He served Voldemort when it would have great value to do so, when he fell, Snape had no more use serving him and left. He only helped Voldemort when it would help him, when it didn't he went to someone still more powerful. It's the way to survive and I liked it."

Harry still could not believe this. He would not.

"Think back, Harry," Dumbledore continued, "To your fourth year at Hogwarts. I believe you caught a brief glint of triumph in my face when you spoke of Voldemort using your blood. It was because, Harry, if someone as evil lord Voldemort used your blood and allowed it to run threw his veins, his blood would magically flow back into yours. And if you had Voldemort's blood in you, that would in turn make you have an evilness like lord Voldemort. If you will remember, Harry, how angrey you got in your fifth year?"

"I was a brat." Said Harry.

"A brat and sometimes far more." Said Dumbledore with a wink. "But most of it wore out by your sixth year. However, your hatred toward Snape only increased, if anything. I realized if I could get you angrey enough at Snape, I could bring you toward the darkside. So I came up with a plan, one of my best in fact, to pair your love for me with your hatred of Snape. I told the house elf winky to take polyjuice potion and turn into me the night Hogwarts was attacked by deatheaters. I knew since none of the other house elfs liked her, no one would mention she had gone missing. I informed Snape of what to do, and he killed winky that night on the tower. Polyjuice potion lasts much longer on house elfs than it does on people so Winky ended up getting buryied without people ever knowing it wasn't me. To my anger, however, you still kept your friendship with Hermione and Ron despite the me influincing your mind to go to your parents grave. I had sent an owl to Voldemort saying you would be there. I was hoping you fighting Voldemort there, and them me surprising Voldemort by revealing myself to be alive. But Voldemort just assumed my owl was a prank and ignored it. I took polyjuice potion to diguise myself as Snape to kill your friends and strenthen your hatred for Snape even more. But you were too drunk and you killed Ronald Weasley yourself. You also hit me with a death curse, but I am invencible. There is only one place on my body where I can be killed, and I will never tell anyone. I pretending to be dead, but then I did make my first mistake. My polyjuice potion wore off and revealed me to be who I was. You were to drunk to notice me sneak off and forgot to look for my body the next morning. I sent another house elf to steel the goblet of fire for me. For when the goblit of fire is destroyed, it's substence can morph into other beings. I enchanted it to look like me and sent it to hogwarts with the intention to make you think you had mearly gone insane. I have tried to keep you alive just so you could kill my opponent, lord Voldemort. And I have destroyed all of his horocrackss for the same reason."

Dumbledore chuckled.

"It's funny," He said. "When you were just a baby, Magonigle said I only did not possess powers Voldemort did because I was to good to use them. I blushed bright red, as you can imagine. But it wasn't because of her compliment, it was because I _did_ possess those powers. And because there is far less good in me than there is in Voldemort. Face it Harry. I, Albus Dumbledore, am evil."

"No!" Said Harry, tears filling his eyes and shouting at the top of his lungs for the unteenth time. "That's not true! That's imposible!"

"Search your muorders map." Said Dumbledore, coldly. "You _know_ it to be true!"

Harry checked it and sure enough there were only two figures there 'Harry Potter' and 'Albus Dumbledore'. It was true.

"Noooooooooooo!" Cried Harry, "Nooooooooooo! What does RAB stand for, then?"

"It stands for my new name." Said Dumbledore. "Which is 'Rad And Bad'. It can also stand for R_&_B, which is a type of muggle music I enjoy. Now, Harry, you will have to kill Voldemort for the sake of the world. And threw that, I will rule the world. Snape has been killed in this battle, so I will need someone else to join me. That person is you, Harry. You must join me. I must say, you don't really have a choice. All of the wizards but you, me, and lord Voldemort are dead. You know you must kill Voldemort, and this will tear you apart. And if you do not join me afterwards, Harry, I will have no choice but to kill you. In fact, I will anyway. For I will be truely alpowerful if there are no more people with magical powers left but me in the world. I will rule al mugles. And Hogwarts will be my kingdom. The reason why I never wanted to become Minister of Magic is because to be someone of that power, would require a large backup reading on my activity in the past. Doing that might reveal my true colors, which I could not risk."

Harry knew that people always had said Dumbledore was mad, but this he would have never thought of.

Just then, there was a _CRACK!_

Voldemort reappeared behind Dumbledore.

"Kill him, Harry!" Said Dumbledore without turning around. "Kill him now."

Harry pulled out his wand.

"Haven't you ever wondered why Dumbledore has a nose that looks as though it had been broken twice, Harry?" Said Voldemort with a milishous grin.

Harry was completly noplus by this strange question.

Voldemort walked closer.

"It's because it _has_ been broken twice!" He said.

Voldemort grabbed Dumbledore from behind, took Harry's wand out of Harry's hand, and stuffed it up Dumbledore's right nostroll.

"AVATA KADAVRA!" He bolowed and Dumbledore fell down dead.

"That's why I don't have a nose!" Said Voldemort.

He threw Harry's wand back at him, and it hit Harry right on his lighting bolt scar.

Harry whinced in pain as Voldemort began to vanish. vanishing.

"We'll meet again, Harry Potter!" He said. "My hideout is in the london undergrounds, and no one knows how to get there but me! And no one else _can_ get there but Snape!"

And with that, he was gone.

But Harry, meanwhile, had just gotten an idea.

**Du-du-du-du-dum**: Catch the final chapter of this epic saga in the next chapter!


	6. The Final Conclusion

_"The world has changed."_ Whispered Dobby, our narraitor, _"Dobby feels it in the Earth. Dobby feels it in the water. Dobby smells it in the air. For none now live, but Dobby, who remember it."_

**THE DEATH OF HENRY JAMES POTTER**

_"It began_", continued Dobby as though a title card had not interupted him. "_With the forging of the horcraxes. Three were given to Hogwarts posestions. Learnful. Wise. Traditional. Two were given to family airlooms. Ancient. Heritigeful. Of dark magic. One was given to his diary. Himself. Powerful thoughts. Filled with dark memories. One was given to a living snake. Viscious. Translatable. And above all else, to him, was trust worthy. All of these things thrived in power and secreasy. But they were all decieved. For another horocraxs was already made. In the land of the London undergrounds, in the fires of the other horocraxes, he forged (and had from the begining) a master horocraxs. One horocraxs to rule them all. One horocrax to find them. One horocrax to bring them all. And, in the darkness, bind them. In the land of the London undergrounds, where the shadows lie. For this horocrax, was himself."_

Dobby took a sip of decaffinated tea, before continuing.

_"Soon, darkness fell," _Continued the House Elf with his prologg, _"And all fell under the power of he who must not be named. But there were some... who resisted. A last allience of witchs and wizards marched against the coming darkness. And, on the sloops of Hogwarts, they fought._"

Dobby turned the next page of _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_.

"_Victory was near. Victory for you-know-who. But the power of RAB... could not be undone._"

Dobby put on colloge professor type glasses, and gestured to a screen which showed Dumbledore blowing everyone to smitteriens. He then turned it off, and took off his glasses.

_"It was this time when Voldemort, son of Tom Riddle the 1st, took up his enemy's wand._"

Dobby paused to make things more dramatic.

_"Dumbledore, the enemy of free men, was defeated. Now, young Harry Potter, had a chance to rid the world of evil wizards for good. He looked closer on the body of the greatest foe known to his time. On Dumbledore's body lay, in scars, a map to the London Undergrounds. Using this map, he took a time turner he had gotten from the ministry along with polyjuice potion from Snape's empty office. He then ripped greasy hairs from the dead body of the wizard he hated the most. Severis Snape. He stuffed them into the potion and drank it, transforming into the one he hated so much. He then apperated into London to seek a part of the undergrounds that was secret._

**THE FINAL CONCLUSION**

Down below the skys of London, was the city of London. Down below the city of London, were the undergrounds of the city of London. This is where Harry now stood.

Harry looked at his body which now appeared as Severis Snape.

Harry hated Snape, he would have rather deguised himself as a cave troll who wasn't tolit trained.

He had gone one hour back in time. Then, had taken the polyjuice potion.

It had taken Harry most of his hour to find Voldemort's hideout.

It may not have taken so long, if Harry hadn't had to carry Dumbledore's body around.

He finally reached his hideout and threw Dumbledore's body into the sewer.

He walked up to the gate.

The gate looked like a water fall of green water.

Harry walked threw it.

He felt the water run threw his blood as though it were doing a DNA test.

His disguise appeared to work because, in a second, he had gotten threw.

He walked down the halls.

There was snake wall paper.

Tiles with pictures of Snakes.

Chairs that were snake shaped.

A bathroom door was ajar with a tolit shaped like the mouth of a snake in view.

He saw a jar of what looked like cooking grease labeld, "_Snape's Shampoo_".

"Eeew!" Said Harry. So that's why Snape's hair was so greasy. He probably thought it made him look attractive of something stupid like that.

He walked up to a door with a sign that said "Voldemort's Office".

Harry walked in.

It was empty.

Harry opened up a dwer.

Inside was Voldemort's wand.

"_So this was when Voldemort left the seconed time..._" Thought Harry. _"He must be murdering Dumbledore right now."_

He took out Voldemort's wand.

"Assio Phoenix feather." He said.

Perhaps it was because Harry's wand was Voldemort's wand's twin, but the phoenix feather actuely slid out of the wand.

He put the wand back in the drew, but kept the phoenix feather.

He sat in a chair opposite from Voldemort's office chair, holding his wand down in one hand, and the phoenix feather in the other.

It was dark in the office, but that way Voldemort may not realize what's happening untill it's too late.

There was a _CRACK _and Voldemort appeared, sitting in his chair.

He saw Harry, and at first gave a start, but calmed down.

"I would have thought you had died in the battle, Severis." He said.

"I am not that much of an idiot." Harry said. It was cool to have Allen Rickmond's voice.

"Glad to hear it. Dumbledore's dead, you know, I just killed him."

"That is excellent news." Said Harry with Snape's voice, "Now no one, not even Potter can stop us from taking over the world."

"He's unfortunity still alive!" Said Voldemort with a scowl. "But I will kill him soon."

"I could kill him for you, master." Said Harry.

"I know you'de love to." Said Voldemort, "But after you were sent to kill Dumbledore and mearly murdered a drunken house elf, I will take it apon myself."

"As you wish, Master. But I was not aware at the time the powerful RAB was really Dumbledore."

Voldemort's eyes flashed.

Harry wondered if Snape was supposed to even know now that RAB and Dumbledore were the same.

Voldemort seemed to be scanning Harry's head.

"I have wondered," Said Voldemort. "About where your loyalties truely lie, Severis"

"They lie with you, Master," Said Harry, "As they always have."

"I am not sure." Said Voldemort. "Now that Dumbledore is dead, it seems your plan would be to murder me to get your revenge."

Voldemort opened his dwer.

"So tell me," He said, "Why _did_ you leave the battle and return here?"

"When I saw, master," Said Harry, "That Dumbledore was killing all of our wizards, I realized you would need as many assistants as possible. I left, knowing I was no match for Dumbledore in good health."

"And how were you aware of RAB's identity?" Voldemort asked, placing his hand in the dwer.

"I heard Dumbledore reveal it to Potter, as though thinking he could help defeat you!"

"Dumbledore would have spoken after he had wiped out all of my wizards!" Said Voldemort, his voice getting higher than usuel as he gripped his wand, "Which is after you claim to have left! Severis Snape, you are a lyer and a traitor and you will die for it!"

He pulled his wand out of the dwer, pointed it at Harry and belowed "AVATA KADAVRA!"

Nothing happened.

Harry lifted the phoenix feather up to Voldemort's view.

"I know where you keep your wand." He said.

"Really?" Said Voldemort, leening back, but still looking frightened. "Do you know that Dumbledore sent me an owl revealing the fact that I was the only one who could kill Harry Potter? He told me it, just wishing it would speed up me fighting him, vause speeding up Harry Potter killing me."

"Potter is of no threat." Said Snape. "With mind controll, I could easily push him into joining me."

"Well, something else you seem to have forgotten," Said Voldemort, leening forward. "Is that Harry Potter is the only one who can kill me! He is the chosen one!"

"Something you seem to have forgotten," Said Harry, cooly. "Is that I may be the chosen one."

"I'm afraid," Said Voldemort, "If you were _really_ the chosen one, you would have to be Ha-"

Harry lifted his wand, thought "_Avata Kadavra!_" and a jet of green light hit Voldemort in the heart, for he had none. He fell out of his chair, dead.

"Yes," said Harry, "Considerably."

A lightning bolt scar formed on Harry's face as he lifted his wand with both hands, looking cool.

All the color seemed to be flowing back into Harry's life.

He had done it. It was all over. It was finished. He felt terribly... lonely.

"_Lonely_." Sang Harry, to the empty office, "_You've reached the residince of Mr. Lonely. I have nobody. I'm on my on! Oh, ooooooh-oh-oh!" _

He looked at his time turner and remebered what was written under the Huffolpuff cup:

"_U can save her"_

It had actuelly been "_U can save __them_", but Harry thought his new version worked better.

Perhaps he could save Hermione from dying, if he tried.

He would just have to go one hour back again, apperate back at Hogwarts, and kill Greyback by surprise.

He still had some poly juice potion he had taken from the potions caboard and he still had some of Snape's greasy hair. No one would notice two Snapes in the giant battle. And that way Grey back couldn't see it coming.

He took out the remaining poly juice potion, placed a few strans of Snape's greasy hair in it, and downed the drink.

"Yuck!" He said. It was disgusting to drink something with Snape's hair in it once, let alone twice. But his voice had turned back into Allen Rickmonds's half way threw the word.

He was Snape, again.

He turned his time turner back one notch and felt himself wizzing back in time.

The office was empty. Voldemort's body had vanished, and it looked a bit brighter with moonshine.

He thought of Hogwarts and found himself there, in the woods.

The battle was already in full swing.

He saw two goblins ingaged in some sort of coin gun showdown. He saw a warewolf killing everything in it's path, no matter what side, along with two Hipogrigths who were doing some sort of dance.

Harry was far too close to the battle.

He began to sneak further threw the woods, planning to wait untill the time to save Hermione came.

Harry paused. There was something familar about all of this.

Harry heard a distand voice shout "_Avata Kadavra!" _and heard a woosh of wind and was struck by a green light and was lauched back, crashing into the woods, dead.

Since Voldemort had placed some of himself in Harry, Harry had the ability to be his own danger.

Harry was dead. Because, this time, the death curse left no scar.

"And that, readers." Said Dobby, taking his bed time stocking off his ear in respect, "Is how Henery James Potter met his death."

His eyes filled with tears.

"After all Dobby did to save Harry Potter, he still died in the end!"

He began hitting himself with the story book titled "_Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"_.

"Bad Dobby!" He shouted. "Bad Dobby!"


End file.
